Why Me??

Now, you all know that I have puce issues.  And so, with that in mind, the following incident happened:

I am wanting to buy some new Swarovski crystals because, no matter how much stuff I have, I NEVER ever have the right size/shape/color for whatever it is I want to make.  Never.  How some people can actually decide to make something and have/order all the proper ingredients, I will never know.  I have 30 billion dollars worth of supplies and I never have just what the recipe calls for.  HOW does this happen?

Anyway, I am happily ordering all kinds of stuff, not one piece will be what I need next time but, no matter.  HAH!  I come upon a color (no picture) that is described as kind of an amethyst opal color.  Now, doesn't THAT sound pretty?, I innocently ask Self.  I should have known.  I should ALWAYS have known.  :(  It should have screamed at me when it didn't have a picture, right?  Wrong.  So, I order a bunch.

I toddle blithely through life until one sunny day, my package arrives.  Yay!  I rush into my studio and rip open the package.

Holy shit.  WHAT is THIS???  They have sent me 144 crystals the color of Geritol.  Swell.  This can't be right.  I think to Self, whiskey tango foxtrot is it with me and puce?  I hate puce.  I am plagued by puce.  But, I am now the unhappy owner of Geritol colored crystals.

So, I start thinking about it.  ALWAYS a mistake.  I have mental images of Adolph and Heinie Swarovski hitting the Jaegermeister and discussing their new puce colored bicones. " Und so, Heinie, dese silly Amerikaners vill buy anyting, ja?  Ja, Dolph, ve can make dese und sell dem to da stupid Amerikaners, dey vill buy dem und dey vill LIKE dem!  Ja, Heinie, have anodder Jaegermeister.  Danke, I vill."  I hate these guys.

So... it will cost me more than I want to spend to return them.  Plus, I probably won't endear myself to the company I bought them from if I insist upon knowing WHY they are selling puce bicones.  So, I put my new Geritol colored bicones away figuring one day I will find a use for them.  I am bummed.

The I get a new beading magazine and decide...YAY!  I will make a fun necklace for Spring and Easter... I figure God probably doesn't mind puce.  I whip out my Swarovskis.  (Heinie and Dolph are passed out cold).  Hmmm, there they are in their little baggie staring at me.  Puce bicones.  Hmmm.

So, I get to thinking.  (Oh NO!)  I recall Pammie, my beading guru, telling me that beads aren't always the color we think they are.  Oh yeah?  Nope, says she... they change color out of their confinement baggies and with/against other beads.  Ok, Pammie knows all.

I get out the puce abominations and dump them on my beading mat.  I now have a mat full of Geritol colored Swarovskis that are loose rather than confined.  Swell.  So, undaunted, I get out all my seed beads and start pairing them with the puce crystals.

OMG!!!! Pammie was right!  Heinie and Dolph...take a hike!  This is what I made, despite Heinie and Dolph's best efforts.  :D  Pretty Easter-ish, yanno?  :D

Living In Fear

Hah, you think this is going to be some grim political thing, don't you?  :D  Fooled you!  :D  It is about cooking a plastic bangle and hoping I don't get poisoned by fumes or the thing doesn't melt in my oven.  Or explode.  Which will necessitate an army of helicopters doing a fly by to see what the problem is.  Don't get me started.

Now, this is what happened... I was strolling by this store that had signs on several boxes sitting in their doorway.  They said fun things like, "This bin $1.00!", etc.  Oh boy.  My hunnibunni says he will wait while I go see what loot I can haul away.  I am looking for inexpensive bangles so I can cover them with clay.  

So, I toddle into the store and peer into the $1.00 box.  HO!  Score!  In this box is a large collection of the world's ugliest plastic bangles.  I mean, who buys puce plaid over yellow? Gross.  I'm serious.  TRULY horrendous.  Now, not only are these things ugly as sin but they are ONE dollar as opposed to the original $7.00 price tag.  I chortle.  While I am chortling I look around to see that I am a MINIMUM of 40 years older than everyone else in the store.  Hmmm. What do I care if these teeny boppers don't like the old lady laughing at ugly bangles while scooping them up?  I wonder if the clerks behind the counter are even legal?  They look to be about 12.  Middle school drop outs, no doubt.  :(

Anyway, I take a bunch of bangles and dutifully go stand in line behind several young things who are buying clothing that no self-respecting hooker would wear.  Scary.  I think, do their mothers know what they're buying?  I guess they must as the kid has to get dressed in it, right? 

Not a one is buying puce plaid bangles.  Because I am so old and am buying puce plaid, the clerk babies are looking at me funny.  I grin at them and wave my puce plaid at them.  They quickly turn around hoping I will either learn to be socially acceptable or disappear.  Preferably both. Old people should NOT be allowed in public, yanno. 

My turn at the register.  The two kids stand there looking at me funny, chomping their gum.  I refrain from whipping out a mirror so they can see how remarkably cow-like they look.  I am so kind.  :)  One proceeds to ring my sale then tells me that I am welcome to come back in 3 days and already I have $5.00 to spend!  Yippee.  So, I ask her if they will have more puce plaid bangles.  She doesn't have a clue so I thank her and leave her in blissful ignorance.

Ok, I have just checked my oven.  The puce plaid is happily bonding to my clay, I haven't keeled over from fumes, no firemen are on their way, not a helicopter in sight... life is good.  :D