Monday, June 1, 2009

Thinking About Escapades

Well, this past Memorial Day I was thinking about other Memorial Days which took me into the mists of time when I was young and stupid. :) My then husband and I went on a camping trip. THAT'S how young and stupid we were. I mean... we willingly went out and slept with the mosquitos and ate gruesome crap out of rusty old iron frying pans. It's a wonder I'm not dead. Luckily, I have grown out of that and now think camping is any time I have to sleep at a resort. Yanno? The Grand Hyatt Wailea in Maui is my current idea of camping. Room service, bars, like that. :D

Anyway, here we were, camping in South Dakota. It was almost Memorial Day. Like 2 days before. So, we get to Wind Cave National Park and there is this sagging chain across the entry way. Now, this chain is about 2 feet off the ground. There is a sign that says the park will open on memorial Day. Well, that's in 2 days, I think, what could be the problem with just stepping over this chain and climbing to the top of the hill? This very big hill. It's a beautiful day and there's no one around so over the chain I goes. I am SUCH a moron.

I happily climb to the top of the hill. As I crest the hill I find that I am staring into this HUGE red eyeball. Oiks. On the other side of the crest is this giant lumbering bison. He is about 1000 pounds of shaggy, shedding-my-winter-coat, red eyed, wide horned brute. He is chomping on new grass and is NOT pleased to see young stupidity wandering into his meal. Oops. He swings his 300 pound head my way. I am the proverbial frozen-in-the-headlights bipedal creature.

Naturally, in times of great peril one thinks the most ridiculous things. I immediately think about soothing music as this animal looks pretty savage to me. I start singing. "If I had a haaaammer....' BAD idea. The bison is NOT amused and shakes his gigantic furry head. This movement send large clumps of winter coat, which is lice infested and crawling with flies, into the atmosphere. Of course this is funny and I start to giggle. Mr. Bison is now most displeased with this 2 legged idiot. So, he snorts and takes a step in my general direction. Oh shit.

I start explaining that I just wanted to see what was at the top of the hill. Mr. Bison sends little buffalo thoughts that say, "ME! *I* am at the top of this hill and YOU are disturbing my lunch!" So, I keep talking and take a step backward down the hill. This, naturally, just about sends me rolling down the hill as the hill is very tall and very steep. Anyway, for each step backwards I took, the bison took another step forward. I don't know what to do as I am in serious doubt that the 2 foot sagging chain will keep out a rampaging bison hell bent on trampling a human.

Lucky for me the bison wanted to eat more than he wanted to chase me as when he got to the lip of the hill, he stopped and snorted. Then he let out a large bison growl just to let me know not to come back.

Now... what do the park rangers do anyway? They herd those things off to somewhere else in 2 days when the park opens or do you just get let in and take your chances? I never did find out. It took me about 40 years to recover.

9 comments:

AlmondJoy said...

>> I think, what could be the problem with ...

Anytime you find yourself asking yourself that, there'll be a problem, guaranteed. :)

Adrianne said...

If my lunch was interrupted by some somebody singing "If I had a Hammer" I'd be annoyed too ;)

Kathi said...

oy Ipo....you do manage to get yourself into fun situations don't you?

MoeArt said...

You guys must be sisters. How WUUUUDE! Quite obviously If I had A Hammer is, most likely, the appropriate song to sing to a grazing behemoth with giant red eyes. Not my fault if he didn't know that. Beside... it was 1967...what do you THINK i'd be singing. :D

MoeArt said...

Yes, Ipo. I flit through life with "stuff" happening. It's lots of fun. Really. Wait till I tell you about the javelina. And, did I tell you about Killer, the Hell's Angel? And the Holiday Inn sniper? I have LOTS of stories. Naturally, I am innocent. In all of them. :D I appear...*stuff* happens. It is my cross. :D

MoeArt said...

Hmmm, Almond Joy... I have noticed this. But, I am trying to prove it wrong. So far, I have failed. magnificently. I persevere.

WonderfulWire said...

Ok Moe! Now you've done it! We MUST hear those other stories!!! lol!

MoeArt said...

Ok WW, you asked for it. Which one do you want first? :D

Melissa said...

Hm. 1967. If I Had a Hammer. Yeah, my folks were probably singing that, too. Like, when they were trying to settle me down after my 2 o'clock feeding....(VEG)

BTW - Killer the Hell's Angel gets my vote for next Moe Memory to be shared.