Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Am I Having Fun Yet?

Ok.  You KNEW this couldn't go without any hitches, right?  Well, the plumbers came today and put in our faucets.  They are gorgeous, right?  Yep.  However... one tiny problem.  The tub faucet is possessed.  Ok, let me start from the beginning.  NOT an auspicious day.  :(  It started with me leaping out of bed in anticipation of the plumbers and the cheerful thought of having running water in our bathroom.  A cheerful thought, no?  Hah.

Our plumbers are the world's best.  They say they'll be here at 8AM, they are here at 8AM.  Always.  So, by 8:30AM, no Marc.  I now figure nuclear holocaust has  occurred and somehow I missed it.  I call the plumbers and Steve tells me..what!?  they should be there.  He calls Marc while I wait.  Then Steve tells me, they are sitting outside, someone told them they can't come in.   In my heart of hearts, I KNOW who has done this dastardly deed.  I hear my wine calling.  WAY too early.

So, I go let Marc in and ask him what happened.  Turns out they arrived at 10 to 8 and my neighbor who will, from this point on, be referred to as The Creep, tells Marc that he isn't ...ready?  "allowed in the building before 8:30"!  What kind of nazi crap is THAT!?  So, I leave Marc to get to work and I stomp downstairs to find out just exactly who had the unmitigated gall to tell the plumbers they couldn't even come into the building.  Now, by the time I reach the maintenance room, I am in full on Pissed Off New Yorker Mode.  I rip open the maintenance room door and am thwarted in my righteous indignation.  The room is empty.  Snarl.....

So, I go stomping out to the pool where I see 2 hapless maintenance guys cleaning the pool.  I take a deep breath as Marc described the nazi as, "a short little guy".  Can't be Pat as he is about 6'4"  Pat is saved from my wrath.  So, I ask Pat if he knows who spoke to the plumbers?  He doesn't but suggests it might be The Creep.  I figured.  My wine.  I can hear it even outside!  ;(  Still waaaay too early.

So, I think, ok, don't tear The Creep's head off until he admits it.  I stomp to the front office and there sits the offensive little twit.  I say, "Creep, I am trying to find out who told the plumbers they couldn't come in".  Blissfully ignorant of the firestorm I am about to unleash upon his nasty little head, he tells me, "I did".  Oh boy.

So I ask him just who he thinks he is.  He tells me, in nazi like fashion, "not my fault, I was told...".  I explode.  He gets his ears burnt to a crisp and a lecture on stupidity and arrogant nerve.  He is most unhappy.  Good.

I now have a Creep induced headache.  My wine is rattling in my fridge.  Too early.  Rats.

Ok, that is taken care of and I call my Hunnibunni to tell him i had a fight with The Creep.  My Hunnibunni says, The Creep deserved it.  Yay!  What a great Hunnibunni.   Poor Brian.  He is afraid to ask me if I have decked The Creep  or called him foul names.  Utilizing amazing and admirable self-control, I did not.

So, back to the possessed faucet.  Kurt is installing the sink faucet.  Lots if copper pipes and flame throwers.  I stay away.  Marc is installing the tub faucet.  It takes a while but they get everything in and it looks great.  See pictures.  Beautiful, no?

Then Marc says he is going to put spray foam under the tub for support.  Ok, dandy.  Spray away.  But, to keep the Superman foam from lifting the tub, Marc fills the tub with water.  Really.  How strong is this stuff, anyway?

Enter Ipo.  You KNEW we couldn't have a story without Ipo.  So, I take a nice long look at our beautiful new faucets and come to the computer.  About a half hour goes by.  I am now happily working at my clay table when I hear, SPLASH!

Oh shit.  I KNOW Ipo has fallen into the tub.  Serves her right I think.  But wait!  A wet cat is not a happy cat.  I hear nothing then look down and there is Ipo sound asleep at my feet.  My wine is now uncorking itself.  I race into the bathroom thinking little Allie has fallen into the tub.  But, that can't be right!  She's a cat, too.  Nothing.  There is no cat and no anything that I can see that would have made that splash.

Ok. being jittery from the Ipo induced flood from a few weeks ago, I start checking for water.  I see the inside of the tub under the faucet is all splashed with water.  But... what made the splash?  Then I look at the floor and...oh, shit.  Water.

I remove the giant sheet of Durock facing the tub.  Good thing I am strong.  I expect to see Norwegian water rats or something that made that big splash.  Nothing.  Except there is water leaking from the elbow joint of our brand new piping.  Crap.

I go call Steve.  He sends Kurt back.  In the meantime, while I am waiting for Kurt to return, I am staring at the tub faucet when it regurgitates a large amount of water into the tub.  All by itself.  Jeez.  It's possessed.  I watch then listen for the next half hour.  The faucet is dripping and regurgitating water at odd intervals.

Kurt arrives.  He looks at the elbow joint and the little sucker has a hairline crack in it.  Crap.  Kurt now has to whip out the copper and his flame thrower.  he does this while I make beads so I don't have to watch.  Meanwhile, the possessed faucet is still spewing water into the tub.  Kurt finishes putting a new elbow joint in but has absolutely NO idea what is making the faucet fo that.

He now gets on the phone where he calls half of his company.  Absolutely nobody can give him an answer.  The consensus is that it is a faulty stem in the cold water faucet.  Swell.  My wine is now screeching at the top of its little lungs.  Kurt, naturally, does not have that particular part in his truck.  So, to be safe, he turns off the water in the wall.  The second he's out the door, the faucet resumes spitting.  I race out and tell Kurt who is beginning to back away. he says, "Maureen, I turned off the water in the wall!'  Yeah, I know, I saw him do it.  He tells me that he will have Steve, his boss, call me after Steve looks to see if he can find the part.

Meanwhile, handy girl that I am, I go dig out the receipt from where we bought the faucet.  Naturally, we bought it on line AND we bought it in December.  Swell.  I'm pretty sure I hear my fridge door opening.

Steve calls.  He has checked the 4 plumbing supply houses in Honolulu.  You know what's coming, right?  Nobody has the right part.  Because it's after 4PM here, it will be  the middle of the night on the mainland.  :(  Now I have to wait until tomorrow to see if after 4 months, they will replace the faulty stem.

Meanwhile, I have to cancel the tile guys because they are stuck until the plumbing is done.  Nobody is happy.  And, sure enough, here comes my wine bottle marching across the kitchen floor.  I will give in to it.  :D  It ain't easy being me.  :D


Kathi said...

oh lordy....I would of been in the bottle after ripping the little creeps head off and shatting down his throat. you are a better woman then I am.

WonderfulWire said...

Oh Man!! You had me rolling!! LOL!! Can't wait to read this one out loud to my sweetie when he gets home :) I await the next part of this story... :) (Yeah, I agree with Kathi...I would have started early with the wine! :)

MoeArt said...

Heee, I was planning on doing just that, Ipo, when better sense saved me from a life in prison. :)

MoeArt said...

Hey WW, it's been a weird remodel. ;) I had every intention of diving into my wine when again, better sense stopped me. I had visions of the plumber having to come back and finding, not only water spewing from the walls but me soused, too. Not pretty.