Upon Murdering Your Own Self Slowly

Ok, someone tell me just what it is that makes us insane when it comes to the new year and exercise?  :::listening?:::::  

One of my clients gave me 2 DVDs of PILATES!  Yep, My pal Jean decided I needed to do Pilates. It is KILLING me to admit it, she's right.  However.  Let me just mention here that the wicked evyl man, Joseph Pilates, must have thought torture was a good thing.  You guys know how hard Pilates is?  Hunh?  Do ya?  It's... it's... oiks, I am at a loss for words.  HOW did THAT happen?  :D  I just want to say how hard this is.   Both being at a loss for words and the Pilates.  :)

Now.  I have been doing yoga.  Kundalini yoga... for years.  I think I'm in ok shape.  I know how to breathe.  Hah.  Mr. Pilates is sitting on his little cloud laughing his well toned butt off.  Do you know that Pilates breathing is completely opposite from yoga?  Do you care? :(

Let me just tell you how fun THAT is!  I'm dutifully following the gorgeous Ana Caban on my DVD.  Well, I am LISTENING to Ana but following the equally gorgeous Tara who is doing a very slightly easier version.  Minisculely slightly easier.  Exceedingly slightly easier. Practically non-existent slightly easier version.  And what do I hear?

"Ok, naval to spine... BREATHE! Ok, I can do that.  Except, Ana is saying breathe out now, through the mouth!  WAIT, I yell!  That's not how!  Ana laughs.  It IS how with Pilates.  It's kind of like tying your feet together then saying...ok...run!  Really stretch out those legs now!  Ana says breathe out.  Moe is breathing in.  Ana says LOOK at your naval.  Moe is looking at her 3rd eye, yoga style.  Jeez.  Who comes up with this stuff?  And, more importantly, who decides *I* have to do it?

So, today, my Hunnibunni is going somewhere afterwork so I think...I will do 2 Pilates DVDs.  I will be good.  The overall DVD and the flabby under arm one.  Sigh......

Ok, I do TWO DVDs.  I did the basic floor mat.  AND I did the Body Band.  Giant rubber bands designed to compress all the bones in your hands.   I have awful precognition that my BB will suddenly SNAP and I will be decapitated.  Or it will take out my vocal cords and I won't be able to talk.  YIKES!  

People wonder why I drink lots of wine.  Pilates is why.  Checker board canes are why.  Nope, not going there.

And then, while I am recovering from my birthday celebrations, one of my friends says... oh, Moe!  You oughta get on Facebook. Facebook?  I am CERTAIN this is for 14 year olds.  But... I could be wrong.  Ok.  I go look.  Now, you guys KNOW I am a computer dunce.  EVERYone else seems to be able to post pictures and stuff.  I have managed to post words.  Hopefully, they will go to the correct person.  It appears that all my clay pals are on FB.  Quite obviously it is NOT for 14 year olds.  Altho!  When you sign up there is this little window that says... are you in high school?  Jeez.  High school?  Well, I was 44 years ago.  Then.. are you in college?  a tad better but still... no.  I'm old, ok?  I have to check, "Other".  I notice they didn't have a section labeled, 'Crippled From Pilates"  I could have checked that!  High school.  The eeejits.

So, the end result of this day is this:  It is 4:23PM Hawaii Time.  I have made some clay things, polished a bunch of beads, done 4 loads of laundry, done 2 DVDs of Pilates, done various kitty related chores,  and wrote this.  I deserve wine!  I mean...HIGH SCHOOL???  I may never recover.  I'm lucky I remember the name of the high school I went to.  High school.  Do NOT get me started.  I could go on for days about people my age still talking about high school.

So... you think I'll be really sore tomorrow?