Slap Chop Issues

Ok, who doesn't love Vince? He's so much fun. Sham Wows and Slap Chop. And a free Gratey. So, yesterday B and I went to the Home Show here. Well, they had made it into the Home Show, The Garden Show, The Solar Panelling Show, and The Miscellaneous Crafts Show. All in all, a weird conglomeration of people. Massage chairs and paving tiles. Go figure.

But, there were a zillion people there so it was fun. Doesn't everyone find it raucous good fun to get repeatedly run over by mothers with baby strollers who aren't paying one bit of attention because they are busy having a free sample from a bowl of glop that 4000 dirty fingers have already dipped into? Gross. Meanwhile, the kid in the stroller is gnawing on my knees.

Or waiting in line for an open toilet? Or being accosted by someone who desperately wants to sell you solar heating? And does NOT understand the word "condominium"? I had to fend off several overly enthusiastic people who were just dying to make sure I had roof top solar energy panels. The fact that we live in a condo did not stop them. Amazing. WHAT did they think I was going to say? SURE, Toots! Come on out and I will buy our entire condo building solar heating? WHAT color is THEIR sky, do you suppose? Jeez.

So, anyway, here we are strolling around looking at all the odd things on display. Solar panels, solar windows, solar garden lights, solar garage door openers, solar grass..... whereupon I decide I am thirsty and need water. Solar water. So, I toddle off to the solar water seller who sells me a small bottle of 79 cent water for $2.75! This is worse than a movie theater! It is so cold it practically cracks my teeth. No doubt they have a solar dentist hiding in the back room ready to leap out and fix my teeth with his solar instruments. So, I tip the nice old solar guy who sells me the water and venture back into the fray.

I am happy now. Thirst is quenched and I have gone 36 seconds without being solarly accosted. So, I round a corner and lo and behold! There is a not-Vince selling Slap Chops. So, I hustle on up and we discuss Vince for a while. He has the Vince Slap Chop ad running on a small TV. Now... the kid selling these things is about 23 years old and tells me... Vince has so much energy! I'm thinking... how does a 23 year old not have energy? Anyway, we go back and forth and manage to draw a crowd. All are having fun. I decide I MUST have a Slap Chop.

When we get home my Hunnibunni says... look... it doesn't say Slap Chop. Oh no! It says... Smart Chop. And my cute little Gratey? It says Cheese Mill. Blood is shooting out of my eyes, to quote a TV pal. So, I thinks... it is the same color, works exactly the same, has all the same features, blade shape, etc. It must be the same thing under a different name. Just like Sham Wows sell in our hardware store under a different name. Ok, that's fine.

So... we stop at the grocery store so I can get chop-able things. We go home.

I get out my "baby carrots". I am going to slap chop those little suckers into oblivion. I put three of them under the plastic thingy and go to town. WAIT! My carrots have disappeared! WHAT is going on? Where are my carrots? I pick the fake Slap Chop up and find that all my carrots are stuck in the wavy blade. We are NOT amused. So, I gingerly pick them out so I don't slice off any fingers. Ok, that's good. I try again. They keep getting caught. Then, after numerous tries, I finally get some highly irregularly chopped carrots but about 13% are stuck on the plastic thingy.

So, I says, Self... just use your finger and wipe them out of there. Ok. No problem. It's merely a plastic circular thing. So, I do that. Like you were getting frosting from a bowl, right? Hah.

All of a sudden I have this awful pain! I am now bleeding onto my carrots. Oh boy. There is a nasty plastic protrusion. A SHARP nasty plastic protrusion which rips my finger open. Good thing carrots are washable, yanno?

So, my fun Slap Chop experiment turned into the Slap Chop Fake Out From Hell. We are SOOOO not amused. I am writing to Vince. And I'm not going NEAR the fake Gratey. :(